


In Another Life

by Mia_writes



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: All The Ships, Developing Friendships, Friends to Lovers, It's mostly about the Gansey becoming friends, Joseph Kavinsky is His Own Warning, Minor Joseph Kavinsky/Ronan Lynch, Multi, Still happen if they're canon, Strangers to Friends, Suicide Attempt, but - Freeform, the gangsey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23090092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_writes/pseuds/Mia_writes
Summary: There is a world in which they don’t meet. There is a world where Gansey never goes to Henrietta. Where Ronan drops out of school when he finds Niall Lynch dead in a driveway. Where Adam focuses so hard on schoolwork, he never makes any friends. Where Noah doesn’t die. Where Blue never runs across a table of Raven Boys at Nino’s and never changes her mind about them being pretentious assholes.They live on.***The one where everything is different, but some friendships are still meant to be.
Relationships: Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Adam Parrish/Blue Sargent, Noah Czerny & Blue Sargent, Noah Czerny & Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny/Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 27
Kudos: 199





	In Another Life

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for suicidal thoughts, non-explicit suicide attempts, and attempted murder.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

There is a world in which they don’t meet. There is a world where Gansey never goes to Henrietta. Where Ronan drops out of school when he finds Niall Lynch dead in a driveway. Where Adam focuses so hard on schoolwork, he never makes any friends. Where Noah doesn’t die. Where Blue never runs across a table of Raven Boys at Nino’s and never changes her mind about them being pretentious assholes.

They live on.

***

Gansey isn’t stung by hornets when he’s ten, so he doesn’t die. He isn’t revived on a Ley line. He isn’t told to find Glendower.

Gansey goes to a nice boarding school in Washington D.C. He’s Gansey, charming and perfect and horribly dressed, and his classmates love him. He’s on the crew team, he’s class president, and he’s every teacher’s favorite student. He has the highest history grades in the school. All of the girls fawn over him and half the boys do too. He kisses a few girls, then ends up dating one. He spends plenty of time with his friends, who like to talk about politics and their vacations and other people’s lives. When he’s not at school, Gansey attends his mother’s functions and makes the rounds with Helen, smiling at people he doesn’t know, and pretending that he’s thrilled by their company.

He’s always surrounded by people. So Gansey can’t explain why he feels so alone.

***

Ronan sits up, smacking his lips together to get rid of the terrible taste in the back of his mouth. It’s not just booze or nicotine. He thinks there may have been some pills last night. At least he didn’t bring anything back.

There are forty-nine missed messages on his phone, all from Declan. Ronan doesn’t bother listening to them. He knows what they all say. What they’ve been saying for months.

The fact that it’s Sunday morning doesn’t mean anything. Ronan lost his family the day his father died. He has no obligation to be anywhere for anyone. He doesn’t have to see his brothers, though Matthew deserves the silent treatment less than Declan does.

Ronan doesn’t know how to feel anything besides anger.

He squints against the light coming through the blinds on the far side of the living room. When he stands, he almost trips over the glass bottles that lay on the floor.

“Fucking hell,” he curses.

He stumbles into the kitchen, where the floor is sticky with spilled drinks. Prokopenko is tucked into the corner behind the counter. Ronan ignores him as he heads for the fridge.

“Lynch,” booms a voice behind him, and Ronan winces at the volume.

“Kavinsky,” he answers evenly. He just wants a fucking drink. “What the fuck do you want?”

Kavinsky sneers. “Now, Lynch, is that any way to talk to your best friend?”

“We’re not friends,” growls Ronan.

The fake smile drops off Kavinsky’s face. “No,” he says, sounding dangerous. “We’re not.”

He wraps a hand around the back of Ronan’s neck and uses it to pull him down into a kiss. It’s not a reassurance or an act of passion. It’s Kavinsky proving a point.

Ronan hates that his stomach ignites anyway. He hates that he hates Kavinsky. He hates that, most days, he doesn’t care.

Kavinsky releases him and heads for the fridge. “Most friends aren’t as generous as I am,” he says. “Giving you a place to stay, food, booze, drugs, and the best sex of your life.”

“Go fuck yourself,” says Ronan.

Kavinsky leans back against the fridge, smug, clutching a bottle of vodka. “That’s what I have you for.”

Ronan invades Kavinsky’s space, fist pulled back, ready to punch Kavinsky in his stupid asshole face.

He ends up kissing him instead.

***

Adam goes to work at the factory. He goes to school. He sits in his classes and takes careful notes. He works through lunch, so he doesn’t have to register that he has no food when he’s so hungry. After school, he goes to work at Boyd’s. He goes home, avoids his father, eats a measly dinner, and does more schoolwork. He goes to bed late enough that he feels like he’s barely closed his eyes when his alarm goes off.

And then he does it all again.

There are only small changes to differentiate the days. Which assignment he’s working on. Whether or not his mother speaks when he walks through the door. How hard his father hits him.

Adam knows that he’s sleepwalking through what are meant to be the best years of his life, but he’s just trying to survive. He keeps telling himself that he will make it out. He will become someone so big and important that no one will dare treat him this way again.

The day his father finds the pay stubs under his bed, Adam hits his head against the railing on the steps that lead to the trailer. His father keeps coming after him, hitting and hitting and hitting. Adam curls up and waits for it to end.

When his father finally leaves him alone, Adam can’t stand. The ground is swaying. He vomits onto the packed dirt ground. His ear is ringing.

Adam waits a long time, until he can stand and walk while he’s holding onto something. He knows enough biology to know something in his ear is fucked up. He can’t hear anything on his left side.

For a moment, he looks out at the horizon and dreams of freedom.

Adam goes back inside the trailer.

***

Noah lives in New York. He’s witty and sweet and sounds like he’s cackling when he laughs. He’s getting a graduate degree to teach kindergarten because he wants to assign as many projects involving glitter as possible.

Barrington Whelk is also studying to be a teacher, though it’s less because he’s passionate about it and more because his family lost everything due to tax fraud and he decided to follow Noah’s dreams instead of his own. He gets a look in his eye, sometimes, that Noah doesn’t trust. It’s like he’s angry at the whole world. Like he’s one man against every other person in existence.

Noah wonders why, as his best friend of ten years, Noah isn’t counted as an ally.

Then Barry drags him off on another adventure and Noah forgets all about it.

***

Blue feels trapped. She’s too weird to fit in with the kids at school and too normal to fit in with the women at Fox Way. She wants to make a bigger future for herself. She wants to study biology and environmental science and save the world. But she doesn’t have the money to do it, and she knows she’ll never get out of Henrietta. She’ll stay here, alone and other and stuck, until the day she dies.

She walks through forest trails sometimes, to make up for it. Around the trees, she can pretend that she’s free.

She’s coming back from one of her walks when she runs into the boy on the road. He’s looking so dejected as he stares at a letter in his hand that she doesn’t notice his sweater at first. He stiffens when he notices she’s there, turning to face her with a mask sliding into place, and that’s when Blue notices.

This is an Aglionby boy.

But not quite. His sweater is second-hand — she can tell by the fraying threads on the shoulder — and he’s too sad and serious to be pretentious. There’s a fading bruise over one of his eyes.

“What?” He asks her, hard edges and a defensive look.

Blue’s got hard edges too. “What’s that in your hand?”

“Nothing,” says the boy. Blue steps closer, enough to see that it’s a letter inviting him to apply to college. She’s instantly jealous. No schools are sending her any letters.

“It must be nice to have things handed to you on a silver platter,” she says. “Or, sorry, a little cream-colored envelope.”

The boy laughs humorlessly. “They like the idea of me. No one likes the real me. But it doesn’t matter. I’m getting out of here.”

“Me too,” says Blue. There’s something in the way the boy speaks that makes her believe it’s possible. Or maybe it’s the defiance in his eyes. Or the stubborn set of his jaw.

Blue is nothing if not stubborn.

“I’m Adam,” says the boy.

“Blue.”

***

Gansey gets stung by a bee and ends up in the hospital. He nearly dies. He gets condolence cards from people he’s never met and his mother gets silent the way she does when she’s worried.

Then Gansey graduates and goes to Harvard, because that’s what Ganseys do. Everyone there loves him, but nobody knows him. They all believe his smiles and his tight handshakes. No one sees him awake at night, for hours at a time, pondering his own mortality. No one witnesses the panic attack he has in the park when a bee lands on his arm.

Gansey learns how to become two people, the Gansey he is on the inside, and the Gansey he shows to the world. He’s the only one who knows that more than one version of himself exists.

***

Ronan wakes up in the hospital with bandages on his wrists. Declan is sitting, stony-faced, on a chair at the side of the bed. Beside him, Matthew has tear tracks down his cheeks.

“Get your shit together,” says Declan.

“Please don’t hurt yourself,” says Matthew. “I love you, Ronan.”

Ronan brushes his fingers against the back of Matthew’s hand. He scowls at Declan. “I didn’t ask for your fucking advice.”

“It’s been four years, Ronan,” says Declan. “You can’t keep blaming your shitty behavior on Dad’s death anymore.”

Ronan bares his teeth. “Just because you didn’t care about him doesn’t mean other people didn’t. We’re not all robots, Declan.”

“You’re not a robot,” says Declan. “You’re a grenade.”

“You haven’t seen each other in two years and you’re going to fight?” Asks Matthew. He sounds tired. He doesn’t sound disappointed. Disappointed means you’re let down, which means you have expectations. Ronan knows Matthew gave up on making them get along a long time ago.

“If I’m a grenade, then get out of the blast zone,” he says.

“I’m trying, but you keep pulling me back in,” says Declan.

“I haven’t asked you for shit,” says Ronan.

“Who do you think paid your bail money?” Asks Declan.

Ronan looks at Matthew, betrayed.

“I didn’t have that kind of money, Ronan,” says Matthew. “Declan’s your brother too. He’s happy to help bail you out of jail.”

“Only so he can lord it over my head,” says Ronan. “Go away, both of you. I’m done.”

He keeps his head turned away until they both leave.

***

Adam gets a scholarship to Columbia and he and Blue move to New York. They get an apartment in Queens and it takes Adam more than an hour to commute to school every day. He gets a job at the university library, and another one being a TA for a well-known professor because he has to start building his connections.

Blue is working with an environmental group that uses oysters to clean the water pollution around New York City. She’s excited when she talks about it and Adam smiles and tries to seem like he’s listening, but he’s just so tired.

It’s good between them. Blue is smart and feisty and occasionally soft. It took her six months to agree to kiss him, before they ever left Henrietta. When she’d pulled back she had stared at him, looking sad.

They’ve been living in New York for almost four months before she explains it, lying in their bed one night.

“I’m destined to kill my soulmate when I kiss him,” she says.

Adam knows that Blue’s family is the real deal. He’s a scientist, which is why he knows better than to dismiss psychics. Magic is a form of science, it’s just an unexplained one.

He mulls over the idea that they’re not soulmates. It makes sense. Sometimes they don’t fit quite right. Sometimes, they both stew in their emotions for days, letting them build up like a toxic gas in their apartment. Blue doesn’t understand Adam’s anger. Adam doesn’t understand Blue’s desire for the impossible.

In spite of all that, he loves her.

“It doesn’t bother me that I’m not your soulmate,” he says finally. “Does it bother you?”

Blue reaches out a hand and runs it through Adam’s hair. “It means you’re alive,” she said. “I kissed you and you lived.”

It’s not quite an answer. But Adam lets it be one.

***

Noah and Barry apply for the same teaching position when they graduate. Noah gets it. Barry does not.

Barry sulks around the apartment for days, drinking and mumbling under his breath. Noah is concerned, but he’s also trying to focus on lesson plans for the kids and his youngest sister’s latest crisis and the cute barista at his new coffee shop. He hasn’t spoken to her yet, but he will.

When Barry invites him to the skate park, Noah is happy that he finally wants to get out of the house. He thinks it’s a good sign.

Then Barry tries to murder him with a skateboard. It leaves a long cut down the side of Noah’s face. Blood gushes into his eye as he screams and runs from his best friend. He stumbles down the street, but he’s dizzy and disoriented and Barry is faster. Noah runs into the street, barely evading a car.

“You’ve always gotten everything,” snarls Barry behind him. He follows Noah into the street.

A car hits him, and Noah watches as he dies.

***

Working to make a concrete jungle more environmentally friendly is an arduous task, but one that Blue takes on with passion and determination. It’s rewarding and fulfilling and she feels like she’s making a difference.

It makes working at the coffee shop seem even worse by comparison. Blue hates making coffee. She hates dealing with customers, many of whom are rude. Her days of being a waitress at Nino’s taught her how to smile for tips, but they didn’t teach her to handle asshole New Yorkers who are always running late.

“Next,” she says, wondering how soon her shift will be over.

“Hi,” says a blond boy with a hint of the South in the vowels of his words. He has a long scar along one side of his face. “Can I have a large half-caff latte with soy milk, three pumps of caramel syrup, whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles?”

Blue’s eyebrow twitches as she writes the order down on the cup. Typing it into the cash register takes at least twenty buttons, a full minute, and all of her patience.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” She asks. The boy turns to a girl next to him, whose hair is the same shade of blonde as his.

“A cappuccino,” says the girl dryly.

Blue presses one button on the cash register. “And your names?”

“Adele,” says the girl. She nudges the boy with an elbow.

The boy smiles at Blue. “Noah.”

Noah keeps coming back for coffees, and Blue gets used to his bizarre and long-winded requests. He shows up with paint on his hands and she learns that he’s a kindergarten teacher. He shows up when she’s in a terrible mood after fighting with Adam — all they do these days is fight — and manages to make her laugh.

It’s one day late in November of Adam’s sophomore year when Blue finally asks Noah “How did you get that scar?”

The coffeeshop is virtually empty and Blue doesn’t think she’ll get in trouble for chatting with their most loyal customer.

“I fought a dragon,” says Noah.

Blue raises an eyebrow. “Did you really?”

“No,” says Noah. “My best friend tried to murder me.”

Blue scans his eyes but there’s nothing but truth in them. “I’m sorry,” she says.

Noah shrugs.

“I’m off at six,” says Blue. “You should come over.”

***

Gansey dates a girl named Guinevere and becomes interested in Arthurian mythology. He spends hours dwelling on old texts and comparing the stories of Chretien de Troyes with historical accounts of medieval England. It’s in one of these books that Gansey first comes across the name Owen Glendower.

He spends hours with his head in books, fascinated by the story of this powerful king. He was valiant and brave and loyal to his country. He was loved, but he was also known. He died, but he is supposedly only sleeping, to be woken one day by the lucky soul who finds him.

Gansey has never seen any proof of magic, so he’s not sure he buys that last part. But Glendower fascinates him anyway, and Gansey ends up on the phone with a British professor who can tell him more about him.

“Well, my dear boy,” says Professor Mallory. “If you want know know more, you simply must come to England. Our ley lines are impossible to explain. They are something you must see for yourself.”

Gansey files an application to spend the next semester abroad. 

***

A few months later, Ronan’s back in the hospital. It wasn’t the night horrors this time. It was a whole bottle of pills, downed with the whiskey he’d stolen from Kavinsky’s cabinets.

The nurses tell him he’ll be checked into a facility, to make sure he’s not a danger to himself.

Declan shows up a few hours later, jaw tight. “You might not care about your own life, but you can’t do this. You can’t take both of my brothers away from me.”

“What are you talking about?” Ronan asks. He doesn’t want to talk to Declan. He doesn’t want to be here in this hospital or here in the world. He just wants it all to end.

“Matthew,” says Declan, like Ronan’s being particularly stupid. “If you die, your dream things die too. Did you learn nothing from Mom?”

Ronan’s body catches on before he does. His breath stops while his heart skips on ahead.

“I didn’t dream Matthew,” he tries to protest. It tastes like a lie on his tongue.

Declan just gives him a disgusted look. “I don’t care what you do with your life. But you’re not ruining his.”

Ronan thinks of his baby brother, with his angelic smiles and his cotton-candy curls. He thinks of the way Matthew’s pudgy hand felt in his when they were children. He thinks of Matthew bouncing in his seat as he tries to stay awake at church, smiling happily when Ronan shoots him a glare.

And Ronan resolves to live.

***

Adam and Blue break up. Adam knows it’s his fault. He’s unknowable. He’s too cold, too broken. He loves her and she loves him and they still couldn’t make it work.

She moves out of their apartment and into Noah’s. Adam is still so in love with her it hurts.

He does everything he can to ignore it. He doesn’t have time for dates, but he brings home a few people. He sleeps with a girl who reminds him too much of Blue. He sleeps with a boy in his class who is heartbroken to learn that Adam isn’t looking for a relationship. The rest of the semester is beyond awkward.

Adam throws himself into his schoolwork. His rotation of roommates all pay the rent, but each one is worse than the last. He works, he studies, he lives. He does nothing else.

He’s left Henrietta, but his life is just how it was before he met Blue.

He’s alone again.

***

Noah is ecstatic when Blue moves in. She’s sad about her break-up, so he cheers her up with ridiculous comedy movies and popcorn with bits of chocolate thrown in. He takes her to school to teach his kids about the importance of recycling. She lets him come along when she goes out to check on her oysters and he takes pictures of them making funny faces on a boat.

Noah jerks awake from nightmares about Barrington Whelk holding a bloody skateboard and nightmares about watching Barry die. But even though his subconscious can’t move on, Noah does. He looks over at Blue when she laughs during a game of messy twister and he thinks that Barry can’t have been his best friend. He never had a best friend before Blue.

Then he meets a boy who dares him to jump out a second-story window. The boy promises he’ll jump right after. Noah jumps and the boy keeps his word and Noah goes home that day knowing that he’s found another friend in Ronan.

***

One night, Blue and Noah are watching rom-coms on the couch when he leans over and kisses her. She’s so surprised that she doesn’t stop him in time and then they’re blinking at each other.

He’s not dead.

Blue wonders if she’ll ever find her soulmate. She wonders if it matters. She likes Noah. He’s fun and interesting and he brings some much-needed levity into her life. She and Adam are struggling towards mending their friendship and she’s applying to college a few years late and she never knows if she’ll be able to pay the rent.

But Noah makes her smile.

She kisses him back.

***

Gansey loves England so much that he stays. He explores the countryside with Mallory, writing just enough academic reports to keep himself enrolled in college. He witnesses wonders happening on ley lines and starts to wonder if magic is really real.

He isn’t sure, but Glendower feels like a purpose. He’s always known that he doesn’t want to be a politician like his mother or a businessman like his father. He doesn’t want to be like Helen, chasing different fleeting interests every month. When Gansey commits to an idea, it’s not a hobby. It’s a soul-consuming passion.

He just never knew that about himself until he learned about Glendower. Now, Gansey knows he won’t stop until he finds the lost king.

***

Ronan moves to New York because Matthew is attending NYU and Ronan needs to be reminded of why he is on his best behavior.

He can’t race in New York, with its ever busy streets. He can’t party. He wakes every morning holding keys or pills or broken flowers and he throws them all in a corner so he won’t have to see them.

He needs a thrill. So he dares a boy to jump out a window that has a dumpster below it. It’s dangerous, but the idea of it makes Ronan’s blood hum.

The boy jumps. Ronan does too.

At the bottom, Noah laughs and says that was fun. Ronan smiles for the first time in months.

“Do you live here, dude?” Asks Noah.

“Not for long,” says Ronan. “The landlord is kicking me out.”

“Why?” Asks Noah.

“He hates my music,” says Ronan. He doesn’t mention that he often blasts his music at 2 am when he can’t sleep.

“What do you listen to?”

“The best song ever,” says Ronan. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

He leads Noah into his apartment and hands him headphones. When Noah settles them over his ears, Ronan hits play on the Murder Squash Song.

Noah listens to the whole thing without comment. When the song is over, he slowly looks up at Ronan. A wicked smile breaks over his face.

“Play that again.”

***

Adam doesn’t think his new roommate can be worse than the last one, but he has been wrong about that before. He hopes that the fact that the new guy is a friend of Noah’s means he’s a nice guy. Adam just wants a kind, quiet roommate who paid the rent on time.

He gets Ronan Lynch instead.

Ronan plays his music too loud. He brings home a bird named Chainsaw in violation of the building’s “no pets” rule. He almost never sleeps, never vacuums, and calls Adam “nerd” and “runt” and “asshole.”

He calls Adam out on all of his bullshit. He always remembers to stand on Adam’s right side. He gives Adam little gifts he didn’t know he needed, like pens that don’t seem to run out of ink and a new tie for law school interviews and lotion for his chapped hands.

He emerges from his room in a suit one day, and Adam almost swallows his tongue.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“Church,” says Ronan simply. The black of his suit highlights the sharp edges of his tattoo, just visible over his collar.

Adam can’t focus at work the whole day.

***

Noah and Blue have a whirlwind relationship that looks too much like a summer fling.

He loves her. He loves her more than he’s ever loved anyone besides his parents and his sisters. But now he loves other people too. Adam Parrish, who likes the part of Noah that is soft and insightful. Ronan Lynch, who likes the part of Noah that takes stupid risks in the name of adventure.

Noah begins to think that Blue isn’t all that different from Adam or Ronan. Well, she’s definitely not that different from Ronan. The two are so alike that it’s almost scary and the fact that neither of them sees it just adds to Noah’s amusement. But he loves her the same way he loves them.

As a friend.

He tells her that one day.

“I love you,” he says. “But I think I’d rather you be my best friend than my girlfriend.”

Blue thinks about that for a full minute. “I can’t handle another long, painful breakup with one of my friends.”

“What if we just skip that part?” Asks Noah. “It doesn’t have to be messy.”

“Okay,” says Blue tentatively.

Noah drags her over to their couch and tells her to pick out a movie while he goes to the kitchen. He comes back with a pint of ice cream and two spoons.

“What are you doing?” Asks Blue.

“I’m your best friend,” says Noah. “I’m using movies and ice cream to help you get over your breakup.”

Blue has barely met his eyes when they both burst out laughing. And Noah knows they’re going to be okay.

***

Blue thinks that it should be strange, when they all hang out together. They are all so very different. She’s a poor psychic’s daughter, Adam is a Columbia graduate, Ronan’s a rich high school dropout, and Noah is a kindergarten teacher seven years their senior.

But when they spend time together, they don’t notice any of the differences.

They go to a skate park and Noah’s hands shake as he shows off his tricks. Ronan copies them with far less grace but just as much daring and Noah laughs, real and loud and not nearly as nervous as he was before. Ronan manages to drag Adam in by challenging him, and Blue learns something new. She knew that Adam could be completive, but she didn’t know he could act like a dumb, impulsive teenager.

It’s nice to see.

They go to a museum and Adam shares the history behind the artists. Noah makes up a game where they have to compare ridiculously unrelated paintings and decide which one better employs a made-up technique. Blue loves all the paintings that are amalgamations of different styles and colors, patchwork art like the clothes she wears. This gives her an advantage in the game, and at the end they unanimously declare her the winner.

Blue gets invited home for the summer and she brings Ronan, Adam, and Noah with her. Noah plays with all of her little cousins and gets fond smiles out of Maura. Adam and Persephone form an instant bond and they all discover that Adam has some psychic talents of his own. Blue can’t fathom why she never brought him around before, except that it hadn’t been right. He’d been the right puzzle piece, but she’d been trying to shove him into the wrong place. Orla blatantly follows Ronan around, ogling him across rooms, and doesn’t seem to notice that his eyes are always following Adam.

They spend entire days trekking around forests, playing games, and laughing more than they should.

It’s the best summer Blue has ever had.

***

Gansey, for all of his newfound purpose, is still subject to the decisions of his family. His mother decides to run for the position of US Senator in the state of Virginia. So Gansey comes home to D.C. for his mother’s campaign.

It’s terribly boring, endless days of smiles and small talk. He has been trained for this, but it’s still difficult to have the same conversations one hundred times. Gansey tries to bring up Glendower so at least he will have something interesting to talk about. Most people indulge him for a moment, but are ultimately indifferent to the majesty of the Welsh king.

Gansey wishes he could find people who would love his interests as much as he did. He wishes he could find friends.

***

Ronan can’t believe how lucky he is that Noah introduced him to Adam Parrish. He loves Noah. He loves the Maggot, though he would never admit it. But Adam…

Adam Parrish is every dream that Ronan has ever dreamt, and half of the nightmares too. He’s the smell of gasoline and biting words and long-fingered hands. He’s beautiful and terrible and just as stubborn as Ronan.

He’s Ronan’s roommate, so of course he notices the strange objects that show up without explanation. He asks where they come from.

Ronan Lynch doesn’t lie, but he knows how to evade the truth one hundred different ways. He doesn’t give up any of his secrets for free.

Adam knows the price of everything, but he asks anyway.

“I dreamt them,” says Ronan. It’s the first time he’s ever told anyone the truth.

Adam’s expression says he doesn’t really believe him.

“I’ll prove it,” says Ronan. “What do you want?”

“You can make anything?” Asks Adam.

Ronan nods.

“Then dream me something impossible.”

Ronan invites Adam into his bedroom and it feels strangely intimate. Adam has been inside a handful of times, but never when Ronan was so vulnerable.

Ronan lays down on the bed. He can feel Adam’s sharp eyes on him and it takes him longer than usual to be able to fall asleep.

In his dream forest, the Orphan Girl appears by his side.

“Quid decet somnium est pro eo?” Asks Ronan.

“Da ei cor tuum,” she says.

Ronan concentrates. If he listens closely, he can hear the Night Horrors in the distance. But they don’t bother him as much as they used to. Most days, he can keep them at bay.

His hand closes around something and he wakes.

Adam is staring at him from across the room, his blue eyes intensely focused on Ronan.

Ronan knows he’s probably being watched because Adam is trying to determine if he’s crazy or some sort of magical being. But he’s being watched by Adam.

A blush rises to his cheeks.

“Here,” he says. Adam approaches and Ronan holds out his palm where the dream object sits. It’s a rock, gray and glittering and obviously not natural, about the size of a button.

“You made a rock,” says Adam. His voice is neutral, but Ronan knows he’s disappointed. Not with the magic but with Ronan.

“Yes,” says Ronan. “And no.”

He takes Adam’s hand and thrusts the stone into his grip and Adam’s breath catches. His eyes slowly lift to Ronan’s, his lips hanging open in surprise.

“I can feel it,” he says, sounding shaken. “I…”

Ronan knows what he’s talking about because he felt it too, when the rock was in his hand. It’s love, unadulterated and overwhelming.

He thinks of the Orphan’s Girl’s words.

_Dream him your heart._

***

Adam thinks he may have a type.

Both Blue and Ronan are brave and fierce and passionate. They both have jagged edges or weird ends that scare most people off. They both have a temper, though Blue hides it better, and they both love to dream, though Ronan’s dreams are a bit more magical. They both value family and love with their whole heart.

But dating Ronan is also nothing like dating Blue. Ronan is always pushing Adam outside his comfort zone, and Adam finds he likes who he is when Ronan is around. He likes Ronan’s sharp smile and his soft fingers and the way he treats Chainsaw more like a child than a pet. He likes the way Ronan kisses and dreams about the way Ronan tastes. He likes that Ronan doodles on the edges of napkins when no one is looking and that he always remembers what kind of eggs Adam likes for breakfast. He likes the way Ronan dreams birds and flowers and brothers and is learning to keep his nightmares from coming to life.

He likes the way Ronan isn’t afraid of him. When Adam comes home one day, his heart pumping liquid anger through his veins, and tells Ronan that he has a new case, that he’s going to ruin the man who abused all of his foster children and make it so bad the man is going to think he’s died and been sent to hell, Ronan’s mouth turns into a hard little line and he merely says “good.”

That’s the day Adam knows he’s in love.

***

Noah can’t believe his life is real. It’s not perfect, because he is still looking for love and he misses his sisters and the scar on his cheekbone will forever be a reminder of Barry Whelk.

It may not be perfect, but it’s pretty damn close.

Life is hurried yogurt breakfasts and coffees with Blue. It’s teaching little kids five days a week, which is tiring but rewarding. Some of the kids are already learning to read, and it’s fantastic to watch them discover new worlds inside the pages of books. Others hand him artwork, saying “it’s you and the earth girl and the scary man and the smart one” and Noah beams and hangs the drawing on his fridge. He loves his job.

Life is walking in on Ronan and Adam kissing, ignoring their sputtering explanations, and saying “Finally! What took you two so long?”

Life is Friday night dinners, the four of them finding a hole-in-the-wall restaurant and going there so often that the waiters know their order. It’s celebrating Adam’s first win in court with greasy dollar pizza and big smiles. It’s all three of them spending a windy Sunday in Central Park, trying to fundraise for a composting project Blue is starting. It’s renting a car and taking a weekend road trip up into the Catskills, Ronan driving too fast and the rest of them smiling wide at the prospect of an adventure.

Life is laughter and friends and a feeling of almost-completeness, and Noah is okay with that. He’s happy.

He just can’t figure out what’s missing.

***

They go to DC because Adam has a lawyer function. They don’t all have to go — Ronan is Adam’s plus one — but it’s a good excuse to stop by Henrietta and say hello to the town that raised them all. Blue marvels, sometimes, at the fact that they all had to leave it before they could find each other. That she may have walked past Ronan or Noah on the sidewalk and not cared because they were just strangers to each other.

She knows they’ll never be strangers again.

When they get to the function, it’s full of men in black suits and women in expensive dresses. Everyone smiles and titters around glasses of champagne and they’re obligated to socialize. Ronan looks angry, Noah looks eager, and Adam looks comfortable. Blue is just trying to find someone that genuinely cares about the environment and isn’t just pretending because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do.

Blue has no time for feigned interest or fleeting feelings. She’s looking for people who give a shit. She’s looking for passion.

There’s one man who people seem to gravitate towards. He has neat brown hair and a very white smile and he looks like a politician. Blue overhears a conversation he’s having, showing off by using four syllable words, and decides he’s a pretentious jackass.

He also makes her blood hum and she doesn’t know why.

The boy makes eye contact with Blue and before she can do more than mutter a low curse, he’s coming over.

“Hi,” says the boy to their little group. Their family, gathered in pieces over the years. Blue no longer feels alone. Or trapped. Here and now, she’s complete.

“I’m Gansey,” says the boy. He looks around, taking in all of their faces. Blue waits for him to say something superficial. She’s so sick of small talk.

Gansey’s eyes glitter. “What do you know about Welsh kings?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> Latin: In Ronan's dream, he's asks Opal "What is a fitting dream for him?" and Opal responds "Dream for him your heart." Thank you so much to jane for commenting and helping me fix the Latin


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